Wicked Shank

Improbably enough, the page listed the main risk factor as "poor golf play." This astounding co-factor of infection relates to the rare disease of Ehrlichiosis, a syndrome named for its own infectious agent. The disease is of the family Rickettsia, a constellation of bugs including such luminaries as the bugs behind Typhus and Rocky Mountain spotted fever (a disease much more common in the eastern seaboard). It presents much like the spotted fever, but without the rash.

The bad golfer spends a lot of time traipsing about in the woods. They search in the high grass for their wayward shots, presenting a wonderful target for unfriendly ticks. The bite infects you, delivering these pathogens into your system where they infiltrate your cells, reproducing behind the protective barriers of your cell membrane. The infection is quick and unnoticeable, colonizing you while you eke out a double bogey.

I am quietly excited about this, relishing the day when I can make an esoteric diagnosis on a middle aged white man in pseudo-cleats and an argyle sweater. Until then, to all of you who dally on the links, I strongly suggest bug spray. An infection like this says a number of things about your golf game. None of them good.